The Ol' Switcheroo
by Kootie Bomb
Summary: Ivy and Lucy are best friends, and practically complete opposites. What happens when they find themselves in each others shoes? lol, at corny/unoriginal summary! written for Cartooncutie17, JVM, PixiDreads, Doomed-Orange-Parka, and Especially Kenny.
1. The One With Ivy and Lucy

**Title: **The Ol' Switcheroo  
**Author: **Kootie Bomb  
**Rating: **T  
**Pairing(s): **Craig/Lucy (Crucy), Kyle/Ivy (Kyvy)  
**Inspiration: **I was watching Freaky Friday J  
**Summary: **Ivy and Lucy are best friends, and practically complete opposites. What happens when they find themselves in each others shoes? lol, what a corny and un-original summary…

* * *

South Park: a normal, quiet, calm little mountain town in the lovely state of Colorado. It's just a few miles from Denver -

Okay. I'll stop RIGHT there. South Park is basically the opposite of normal, quiet, and calm. It's an insane, obnoxious, red-necked town with something or someone wreaking havoc every single friggin' day. Sounds fun, right? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAno.

Alright, alright, I guess there's _some_ good stuff about South Park…take the friendships within the younger population of the town. For example, Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski, or John Vanson and Kevin Stoley.

"IVY!"

"LUCY!"

Oh yeah, and Ivy Valmont and Lucy Montgomery.

Ivy Valmont: the girl who puts the phrase "small but powerful" into reality. She's a girly tomboy, as one would say. She can be a total tough, all-up-in-your-grill bombshell, but can be the most girly person ever when it comes to clothes and shopping. But still - don't get her pissed off, or you will get blacked out by her fist and you'll wake up in a damn hospital room. Her passion is the theatre, though, and seriously wants to be on Broadway some day. Nobody becomes skeptic about these big dreams - if anyone knows how to get where they want, it's Ivy Valmont.

Lucy Montgomery: happy-go-lucky to the ever-lovin' max. She's generally, a very, very cheerful person, and not a lot of things change that. She loves anything and everything, including her friends, family, and food…(she gets hungry a lot)…ANYWAY, Lucy wants to become a fashion designer if she ever grows up. 'Course, like much of the female population of South Park, she can be tough when she wants to, even though 'when she wants to' doesn't apply all the time. So, if you ever do get the unfortunate event of moving to South Park, Colorado, be sure to meet up with the lady of the hour, Luce Montgomery.

Dude, see how opposite they sound!? It's almost scary. Still, they are totally best friends 'till the end.

And now you're just wondering why I'm telling you all of this…well, it all began on that fateful Thursday morning, the day everyone just got back from Thanksgiving vacation…

"IVVVVYYYY!"

"LUUUCYYY!"

The two friends leapt at each other with glee, hugging as if they hadn't seen each other for years. Well, it had only been two weeks - Lucy had visited her hometown of Manhattan, and Ivy went back to theatre camp. They had missed each other, and they were actually glad to be back in school (because talking endless hours on the phone is just NOT the same). Yeah, sure, they got a few weird looks from their schoolmates, but, in the wise words of Miss Valmont, "Screw them."

"Dude, I haven't seen you in forever!"

"Totally!" Lucy grinned wildly, looking down slightly at the shorter girl.

Ivy was dressed in her new, favorite outfit - a fitting blood-red tee shirt and shiny black skinny jeans and red, white and black sneakers. The tee-shirt said 'Punk Rock' in white cursive, and, to finish off the simple-but-edgy look, black fingerless skater gloves. She had just gotten her fiery red hair cut to - it was shoulder-length, layered. Over the outfit, she wore a simple white jacket that had black and red graphics on it.

Lucy was an array of colors - a wild, rainbow tie-dye, strapless sun dress, and a rainbow bandanna over her long, butt-length black hair. Her sidebangs, as usual, had color to them - this time swirls of the rainbow. She had on a bunch of thin, silver bracelets and her chocker that had her name in silver letters on it. (of course, she also had her black trench coat, because, as always, it's cold in South Park).

Again, we see another difference - their clothing style. And they're still best friend. Cheyeah.

"We gotta get to homeroom," Ivy smiled, interrupting Lucy's endless chatter about her trip to Manhattan.

"Oh, right! Homeroom, how I love thee!" Lucy sang, skipping ahead, into South Park High School's main building. Ivy smirked, following her, carrying her tote bag, _'Guess she already had her daily dose of caffeine…'_

Homeroom - the social center of most of Ivy and Lucy's classmates. Currently, Lucy sat with her best guy friends - Craig Tucker, Clyde Donovan, Token Black, and Tweek Tweak. Ivy sat in the back with Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, and her cousin, the dreaded Eric Cartman. Yes, I said cousin. Ivy is the fatass's _cousin_. As Ivy would say, "DNA tests are in the mail,"

* * *

The school day carried out normally. A minor explosion incident in Lab, thanks to Token and Lucy - the infamous lab partners, and then Ivy killed Kenny via dodgeball. Nothing too big (I repeat myself - South Park is insane).

Lucy went to the movies with Craig, Tweek, Clyde, and Token, while Kyle invited Ivy to go to the ice cream parlor with him, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman. Finally, at around 7pm, the two met up at the Vanson household. Or, rather, in front of it. They hugged each other in greeting.

"Question, Luce - why are we at John's house?"

"Cuz, Ives, ol' Johnnycakes wasn't at school today and I would like to know why we had to suffer in hell and he didn't."

"Ah."

The two climbed through one of the windows and climbed the stairs as quietly as they could in order to avoid any run-ins with John's crazy serial killer relatives. They hurried past Maddie Vanson's pink door, finally reaching the stairs to John's attic-room. Ivy opened the latch on the trapdoor, pushing it open. Lucy poked her head through the doorway-in-the-floor,

"HEY JOHN!"

The brown-haired boy paused the video-game he was playing. He sat in a beanbag chair in front of the TV, in what looked like pajamas, and waved at his friends, "Luce, Ives. What's up?"

"Hey, Mister J," Lucy said with a nod, pulling over another beanbag chair. Ivy pushed a few Playboys off of the spinning office chair, taking a seat as well.

"So," Ivy frowned, "where were you today?"

"Sick." John replied simply, resuming his video-game, "Duh."

Ivy rolled her eyes with a short laugh, "Really?"

John nodded, not looking away from the TV screen, "Yuuup."

"You faked it, didn't you?" Lucy grinned.

Another nod, "Yuuup."

"I would've done that too, but my mom's hard to convince." Ivy said calmly, spinning the office chair, her flaming red hair waving. Lucy laughed, smiling,

"Craig would've done that. But I threw a book through his window and it hit his head."

"Must be cool, just having to talk to each other by stickin' your head outta the window," Ivy mused, "But I don't know the people who live next door to me. Kyle lives two houses down, so it kinda sucks."

John blinked, and stuck in proudly, "I live next door to _Bebe_."

One look at the perverted grin on the boy's face, and Lucy and Ivy sent each other skeptic rolls-of-the-eyes. John scoffed, "WHAT?! I don't _peek_ or anything…" He went back to his videogame, adding in his mind, _'Well, at least not all the time…'_

Lucy rolled her eyes, laying back in the beanbag chair, "Well, yeah, it's pretty sweet living next door to Craig."

Ivy snorted, saying sarcastically, "Oooh, you must have the life. People must be begging to be in your shoes."

"Pretty much."

"Well, it's great to me, too." Ivy shot back, grinning.

"Yeah, having the Chubster as your cousin - real thrilling."

Ivy stuck her tongue out at her friend. Lucy got to her feet, "Well, I got derby practice. We got a match on Saturday, who's coming?"

Lucy and Ivy also have their respective hobbies - Lucy is part of a roller derby team, while Ivy mainly does theatre.

"Me and Kimi are in. Lucky and Lulu are probably gonna come."

"Awesome. Johnnycakes, you in?"

"Sure thing, Luce."

"Suh-_weeeeet_. See you two tomorrow."

"Don't hurt yourself."

Lucy smirked, rolling her eyes, taking the fire escape down.

* * *

**LooLoo24 has logged on**

**LuceLips45: **hey, lulu, at the library?

**LooLoo24: **Cheyeah. The librarian is givin me the hawk eyes, library's closing down soon.

**LooLoo24: **Sup? 

**LuceLips45: **just got back frm roller derby practice. I gots a bigass bruise on mah back.

**LooLoo24: **ouch

**LuceLips45: **you bet your ass it 'ouch'…u and charms coming to the match?

**LooLoo24: **when?

**LuceLips45: **Saturday, at nine pm

**LuceLips45: **it's gonna be in denver…lucky got her driver's license back, rite?

**LooLoo24: **Hey, it wasn't even our fault that…um, the accelerator was stuck.

**LuceLips45: **Yeah, we almost died.

**LuceLips45**: And you were the one who got pissed off at that lady for calling us obnoxious 17-year-olds

**LooLoo24: **:P . but yeah, she got her license back...

**LuceLips45: **goodie.

**LooLoo24: **how was practice?

**LuceLips45: **besides the bruise, nothing too major. Y'know what was weird? Doc Mephisto was there

**LooLoo24: **he's a freak.

**LuceLips45: **totally. I gotta get to sleep 3 nite

**LooLoo24: **nite, luce. Librarian's kicking me off the computer anyway =3

* * *

**LUCKyCHARMs has logged on**

Poison3Ivy: Ah, lucky, how are we on this lovely Thursday evening?

**LUCKyCHARMs: Clyde's over, he's searching for the taco bread downstairs…**

Poison3Ivy: Yeah, that sound like Clyde XD

**LUCKyCHARMs: What bout u? whassup?**

Poison3Ivy: I'm deadbeat bored.

Poison3Ivy: Just came back from John's house, though. He was busy faking sick, today

**LUCKyCHARMs: Doesn't he have an insane uncle or something?"**

Poison3Ivy: Yeah…

**LUCKyCHARMs: cool**

Poison3Ivy: Ha. But his uncle had dinner guests, apparently. That Mephisto freak.

**LUCKyCHARMs: Creepy. Did he have that monkey-assistant-thingie with him? That thing is so weird and cool at the same time**

Poison3Ivy: I have no idea. But I passed him when I was heading out, and he smiled. Freak pedo, maybe?

**LUCKyCHARMs: probably. Ah, Clyde need's help with the tacos. ttyl, ives**

Poison3Ivy: see ya, lucky

* * *

**Ivy's POV**

I yawned. Friday. Thank god it's Friday…FridayFridayFriday. I love Friday.

"Hey, LUCE! GET YOUR ASS OUTTA BED, MOM'S MAKING BREAKFAST! BACONNN!"

I sat up in my bed quickly, rubbing my eyes. The hell!? Who's screaming and why!? There was loud knocking, "LUCY! GET! UP!"

Once the sleep cleared out of my eyes, I looked around angrily. Who in hell was yelling? The door swung open, revealing Lucy's little sister, Barbara. Or, as she prefers over anything else, Bugs. She glared, "Are you deaf? Mom says get up or no breakfast."

"Say what?" Did I sleepover at Lucy's last night? I don't think I did…I logged off AIM and showered, got into my PJs, and went to sleep. But here I am, in Lucy's room, with her little sister glaring.

Bugs rolled her eyes, walking off, calling downstairs, "MOM! Your mistake of a daughter is deaf!" She slammed the door behind her. I let out a grunt, looking around for Lucy. Did she seriously just sleep through that whole thing? I climbed out of the bed, my feet sinking into the lime green shag rug, noticing I wasn't in my night shorts and tank top - instead, I was dressed in a blue, white, and red hockey jersey. I scowled. Okay, what the hell was going on here? Did someone kidnap me?

I stumbled towards the bathroom, still puzzling over everything that was happening. I splashed water on my face, breathing deeply. Okay, okay, everything is going to be fine…this is probably just another damn prank…

I looked into the mirror.

I screamed.

**Lucy's POV**

Any time now…anyyyy time now…

Okay, so I overslept. I'm well aware of that. Okay, so maybe you don't think waking up at six-forty is 'oversleeping', but that's forty minutes late for me. It takes a long time for hair dye to sink in, okay?! But anyway, Bugs should be storming into my room any time now. Any time now…

Okay, what the hell is going on here?

I frowned, pushing the covers back, opening my eyes, looking around my room.

No.

Scratch that.

This is…Ivy's room. Huh…

Next issue: I didn't feel the baggy-ness of my Rangers hockey jersey. Instead, I'm in nightshorts and a tank top. Weeeird. Have I been sleep walking again? Because I really should see another doctor for that…I rolled out of bed, letting out a hiss of pain, remembering Ivy doesn't have a shag rug, just regular wood floor. Damnit. Paaaaain.

Which leads me back to my previous question: why am I in Ivy's room?

I got to my feet, looking around, "Okay, Ivy! Very funny, now come out here, the gigs up!"

…

No answer.

"Ivy?"

I walked around the room, searching for my redheaded friend. Where is she? I caught my reflection in her mirror.

Aw, shit.

* * *

**Putting my Roller Derby story on hold. =]**

**WHY!? CUZ I WANNA!**

**lol.**

**this story is for Cartooncutie16, one of my first friends in the South Park fandom. cheyeah. **

**OCs:**

**Ivy Valmont: **Cartooncutie16  
**John Vanson: **JVM-SP150  
**Lucky Day: **Doomed-Orange-Parka  
**Lulu Summers: **Especially Kenny  
**Kimberly Shao: **PixiDreads

Love,

KB


	2. The One Where They Switch

**

* * *

**

**Title:** The Ol' Switcheroo  
**Author:** Kootie Bomb  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing(s):** Craig/Lucy (Crucy), Kyle/Ivy (Kyvy)  
**Inspiration:** I was watching Freaky Friday...  
**Summary:** Ivy and Lucy are best friends, and practically complete opposites. What happens when they find themselves in each others shoes? lol, what a corny and un-original summary…

* * *

**Ivy's POV (in Lucy's body, of course)**

I almost fainted, right there and then. But no, Ivy Valmont does not faint. But the thing is, I'm not Ivy Valmont anymore. I'm Lucy Montgomery. Or something. I stared at my reflection. No, it wasn't MY reflection, it was Lucy's. Yes...instead of my usual blue eyes, I had worried brown eyes staring back at me through the mirror. My layered, shoulder-length red hair - now straight, butt-length black hair. The sidebangs were their natural black. She must've washed them last night, or something. I let out another small yelp. I knew one thing: this is bad. Yes. This is bad...

I went back to Lucy's bedroom - my bedroom? - and grabbed Lucy's phone from off her dresser, searching through her contacts for my own name...Ivy...I quickly called it. After a long time of ringing, there was an answer,

"...hello?"

I shivered. This is so freaky. That's MY voice. Talking to...me. I pushed back my hair - er, I mean Lucy's hair - before talking back,

"Um...hello? It's...um, Ivy. I think."

"IVY!"

"What!?" Great. More confusion.

"It's me! Lucy! In, er - your body? Jesus. I'm freaking out. Majorly."

Okay, so we switched bodies. We, somehow, switched bodies. Great. Just fucking great.

"Ivy?"

I shook my head, "Yeah?"

"What're we going to do about this?"

"Nothing? For all I know, I bet I'm dreaming."

"I don't think so."

"Super." I grumbled, scowling. I glanced at Lucy's wall mirror. It was weird, seing Lucy's face in such an angry grimace. But I was making her face do that. Well, this is still confusing. Damn.

"We can't tell anyone!" Lucy - my voice, though - suddenly decided, "They'll think we're freaks. More freakier than we already are. Were. I don't know. Okay, we'll meet up at school, got it? Just...try being me. Get dressed, go downstairs, have breakfast with my family. Have a smile on your face. Joke with the 'rents. Joke rudely with Bugs. Oh, and don't try dying my hair. You'd mess it up."

"Oh, thanks, Luce. And you normally try being with my family, okay? It's pretty easy. Just keep on talking."

She swallowed, "Right. Okay...bye, Ivy."

She hung up. I took a deep breath, hanging up her phone as well. I looked around, deciding to take charge of this insane situation - first things first. Get dressed.

I headed towards Lucy's big closet. Compared to the rest of her slightly messy room, she had a very orderly closet. Every little thing had it's own little drawer (each drawer had a label). There seemed to be a drawer for everything. Everything catagorized and such. I reached for a random drawer, but cringed back, remembering Lucy's strictly themed outfits. I glanced at the calander on the door of her closet. Friday. In Lucy's swirly handwriting, _Dalmation_. Okay. Easy enough. Just...spots, right?

Eventually, I got changed into a pair of white jeans with a bunch of pre-made rips in them, showing the black leggings I had put on underneath. A white tee shirt with convenient black spots on it. I tied her long hair - I guess it's my long hair for now - up in a simple ponytail. Black Ugg boots would suffice...

Okay. Changing part done. Make-up, done. I looked in the mirror. It was still weird, looking into a mirror and not seeing more normal reflection staring back at me...but I shrugged off the creepy feeling. I smiled in the mirror. Yes, this looked like Lucy. Deep breath. Okay, Valmont, you can do this...

I exited Lucy's room, carrying her black trench coat, messanger bag, keys, and cell phone, and started downstairs. Deep breaths. Take it easy. Smile. Talk casually, you can do this, Ives. I'm around Lucy's family a lot, but...this is going to be weird. I just know it.

I entered Lucy's kitchen. Mrs. Montgomery - Sally - was in front of the oven, dressed in her usual dark, embroided shawls, long skirts, and peasent blouses, spatuala at hand, flipping pancakes, waffles, toast, bacon, eggs...all of those good breakfast foods. Mr. Montgomery - Jimmy - sat at the circular table, reading the newspaper, toast hanging out of his mouth. I noticed he was reading only the funnies and the Sports section....hah...and Bugs was next to him, hungrily wolfing down her own breakfast, dressed in her black and orange flame beanie, the baggiest black jeans I've seen in my life, held up by studded suspenders, and a black tanktop. Bugs is never cold, I recall Lucy telling me. Strange kid, that girl is.

Sally looked up upon my entrance, "Lucy! Darling, sit down, breakfast is coming up...we've got sausage, bacon, eggs..."

I blanched quickly. Sausage. Bacon. Eggs. _Meat_. HELLO, vegetarian in the house! But they don't know that. I couldn't really blame them. I scratched the back of my neck - Lucy's neck, technically - nervously, "Um...can I just have toast?"

Jimmy looked up from his paper while Sally frowned. Bugs started snickering. Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery sent each other looks of wonder before Sally shrugged, "Alright, honey. But no phone calls from the school whining that you're hungry."

I chuckled slightly. I remember Lucy doing that sometimes. I suddenly felt bad. In a way, I'm invading Lucy's personal privacy. Her whole family's privacy, really. But, well, she's invading mine, screw guilt!

I ate my toast as quickly as possible. Bugs finished up her food, grabbing her bag from under the table, "I'm off to the Broflovski household, my dear family."

Broflovski...hey! Kyle! I got up too, "I'll come!"

Bugs sneered, giving me a weirded-out look, "Say what?" Even Sally and Jimmy looked at me strange. I scratched my head nervously, "Um, I just wanted to say hi to Kyle..."

Sally glanced at Bugs, who shot her a look that obviously said "get-this-freak-of-a-sister-away-from-me". Sally sighed, "Honey, why don't you walk to school with Craig, okay? Let Bugs go on her own."

I frowned at the idea of walking to school with Craig. Okay, so he wasn't my favorite person in the whole world. One of the only reasons I put up with him is because of him and Lucy's boyfriend/girlfriend thing they've got going on. I nodded shortly, putting on the black jacket, pulling the messanger bag over my shoulder, pocketing the keys and cell phone, and heading out the door. I walked passed Craig's house. I broke out into a scared, frantic run, just to let go of confusion. I needed to clear my head. I just can't believe this is fucking happening...

Due to my running, and Lucy's long legs, I got to school pretty quickly. I calmed quickly, being around people I knew. I almost felt normal, until I heard my voice calling Lucy's name, and watching me run towards...me. Creepiest. Fucking. Thing. Ever.

Lucy-in-my-body approached me quickly. I watched my blue eyes go over me quickly. She eyed my hair - her hair - skeptically. I raised an eyebrow. She smiled. My smile. She had dressed in my black 'You're A Dumbass' shirt, red skinny jeans, tall black boots that I don't even know I own, and a black skirt. When did I get that skirt? Okay, not so bad. My hair looked very pretty today. Lucy's a hair genius.

Lucy poked her fingers together nervously, "Hey. Maybe...we should discuss this whole thing after school. To, y'know, avoid attention."

I nodded slowly. Lucy stared at me testily with my eyes, "Smile. Okay?"

"Ivy!"

I looked up and saw Kyle heading over here. I smiled slightly. I waved, "Hey Kyle!" My favorite redhead grinned at me, "Hey Luce," He looked down at Lucy-in-my-body, "Ives, what's up?" Lucy spluttered over her words before looking to me quickly,

"Uh, Lucy, why don't you _go find Craig _while _I _talk to Kyle. Okay?"

I blinked, before nodding nervously.

* * *

**Lucy's POV (in Ivy's body, if you do recall)**

Watching Ivy walk away in my body was weird. She did good on my whole themed outfit thing, though. I probably would've braided my hair, though. I took a deep breath, looking back to Kyle. He raised an eyebrow, chuckling, "You okay, Ivy?" I nodded,

"Er, yeah." I cleared my throat, "Why wouldn't I be?"

He laughed, interlocking our fingers slowly, gently guiding me towards the entrance of the school building, "Well, let's get going then. What do you have first? I forget..."

I smirked. Would've thought Kyle had memorized every little detail about Ivy by now...I squeaked as the redhead gave my hand - 'scuse me, _Ivy's_ hand, in the technical sense - a concerned squeeze, "You sure your okay?" I nodded. Okay, where does Ivy keep her schedule? History notebook...right...I grabbed the marble notebook out of Ivy's schoolbag, flipping to the first page where her schedule was quickly scrawled,

"I've got History first."

Kyle gave me a dashing smile, "Same here. Let's get to homeroom, though. Mr. Garrison is always a bitch about tardyness."

I smirked. Still can't believe Garrison has stalked us all the way into high school. What a freak. I looked around the crowded hallways for Ivy. In my body, of course. I hope she found Craig by now. Or at least Clyde, or Tweek, or Token. Oh, I hope it was Token. She wouldn't have any problems with him. He's a very understanding person. Craig would call her a freak, Tweek would spaz and think she's an alien, and Clyde...would be Clyde. But I spotted her with all four of them. Clyde was dribbling a basketball, which was freaking Tweek out, who was trying to be comforted by Token, leading to Craig flipping them all off. I giggled. Stripe, his guinea pig, sat on his shoulder. Ivy saw me, too, and cast me a panicked look. All I could do was give her a sympathetic look before Kyle guided me into homeroom.

"Hey, wanna go to the movies later?"

Ugh. So weird, being asked on a date by Kyle Broflovski himself. We've always been friends and stuff, but I just don't...like him like that. Obviously. But I'm Ivy-motherfucking-Valmont. Yes, no? Yes, no? What would Ivy do? Well, duh. I smiled at Kyle, "Yeah. Sure thing." I swallowed, "Um, what movie?"

"Not sure. We'll decide eventually."

Suddenly, a happy, familiar voice rang out, "Yeah, not like you two lover-freaks'll be paying attention to the movie anyway!"

I rolled my eyes. Kenny McCormick, accompanied by Stan Marsh. Kyle rolled his eyes too, elbowing Kenny in his non-existant gut, "Shut up, Ken."

I closed my eyes. Right. Kyle and Ivy. Dating. They...kiss. Oh, super.

I wonder if Ivy's dealing with something like this with Craig...

* * *

**Ivy's POV in Lucy's body**

I glared at Clyde angrily. What a pervert. More perverted than Kenny, if I do say so myself. Craig flipped him off, rolling his eyes. I sighed. Okay, okay. Kissing Craig? Guh-ross. Lucy and me need to tell someone about our whole predicament. Yes, that we do. Who? Someone smart, someone who could keep a secret...

Kimberly Shao. Perfect.

"Luce!"

I snapped out of my thoughts, looking up at my 'friends'. How does Lucy deal with these people every day?! JESUS! Tweek's been shrieking and screaming every five friggin' seconds, Clyde probably said every boob-joke in the book, and Craig has been flipping everyone off if they just mother-fucking LOOK at him! NOBODY flips the bird to Ivy Valmont, especially Craig-fucking-Tucker! The only normal one in this group seems to be Token.

"Your acting real weird," Clyde took note of. Craig, Token, and Tweek looked at me too. Tweek let out a small shriek. Of course I'm acting weird, Clyde. I'm in the body of my best friend, hanging out with you freaks, and getting a headache. Why wouldn't I be acting weird!?

But I didn't say that out loud. I got up abruptly from my desk, mumbling about going to the bathroom. Craig shrugged and showed me his middle finger. Mother-_fucker_!

What an asshole. Can't believe Lucy gets in a 2-centimeter radius with this guy.

"Hey, _Lucille_,"

I turned sharply at Lucy's full name. Whoever calls her that has to go through me. But then, I remembered, I was Lucy. Er, yeah. Which went Esther Stoley was addressing me.

Esther can be a very sweet person, I guess. She's a tomboy, one would say, and sometimes a bit of a bully. I don't really like her. Lucy despises her, of course. Essie is always trying to get her 'grimy pits' on Craig, as Luce says. To hell with Craig, though. I turned to face Miss Stoley, eyebrows raised,

"Hey, Esther."

* * *

**Okay, okay. I'm so totally excited. I haven't been this eager to write a story since "I Love Lucy". **

**by the by, this _is_ in high school, and there will be a few subplots, so if ya want anything to happen to your oc, just tell me. cheyeah.**

**Esther is gonna be a total mega-bitch in this, by the by. Next chapter: 3LUs (only a select number of people know what that means, of course), Esther-bashing, 'Klucy' and 'Cravy', and whatever else I come up with. Kimi shall make her debut, as well as Lulu and Lucky. **

**OCs:**

**Ivy Valmont: **Cartooncutie16  
**John Vanson: **JVM-SP150  
**Lucky Day: **Doomed-Orange-Parka  
**Lulu Summers: **Especially Kenny  
**Kimberly Shao: **PixiDreads

Love,

KB


	3. The One Where Craig Cheats

**

* * *

**

**Title:** The Ol' Switcheroo  
**Author:** Kootie Bomb  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing(s):** Craig/Lucy (Crucy), Kyle/Ivy (Kyvy)  
**Inspiration:** I was watching Freaky Friday...  
**Summary:** Ivy and Lucy are best friends, and practically complete opposites. What happens when they find themselves in each others shoes? lol, what a corny and un-original summary…

* * *

**Ivy's POV...in Lucy's body. Whoopee. **

After school, I ignored everyone, forgot about meeting up with Lucy, and headed to Stark's Pond, to clear my mind a bit. It would help. I stood in front of the pond. It wasn't iced over yet. I could see my reflection in the water. Not my reflection, technically...I ended up bitterly throwing rocks at the wrong, misleading reflection, scowling. If I was still in my body, where would I be right now? Probably with my friends. Acting 'normal'. Going to get ice cream, forgetting about homework and stuff. It's Friday. Stupid Friday.

_Shot through the heart and you're to blame  
You give love a bad name  
I play my part and you play your game  
You give love a bad name  
Hey, you give love a bad name_

I looked up at the blasting music, turning to see a dark purple/black, shiny pick-up truck up the large grassy, snowy hill. A big golden 'T' was painted on to each car door. Token's car, of course. Token sat behind the wheel, Clyde, Tweek, and Token in the back. Bon Jovi switched off and Clyde called over, "Luce! WHERE IN HELL HAVE _YOU _BEEN?!"

"STAYIN' AWAY FROM YOU!" I howled back, seriously. They thought I was kidding, so they laughed. Tweek spazzed out, starting to blabber on about how they weren't wanted and such. I sighed, rolling my eyes. Token leaned out the car window, "Seriously, Luce, you okay?"

I shrugged, "Er, I have a headache. Not feeling too well."

Craig frowned, "You ain't up for the movies tonight?"

Oooo. What an excuse! Not going on a date with Craig...perfect! I nodded, "Sorry, dude, I guess not! Uh, I'm just gonna get on home."

"Need a ride?" Token called warily. He seemed suspicious. I cleared my throat to reply,

"Nah. I'll, um, walk."

"...'kay. See ya, Luce, feel better."

I watched the group drive away. It was still weird, being called Luce. Hell, everything's weird. I turned back to the pond, only to be interrupted once more; this time by Lulu Summers and Lucky Day.

Lulu is Kenny's 'one and only'. She's very beautiful, everything Kenny would want in looking for a girl (if you know what I mean). Lucky is our comical character with a pretty face. The two are 2/3s or the 3LUs. Lucy is the other 1/3.

Lulu, the girl who reaches a powerful 5'2, waved at me violently, bouncing up and down, accidentally landing on Lucky in the process, "LUCY! Hey!"

"Lu! Geroff!" A disgruntled Miss Day growled, pushing the other blonde off. Lucky laughed, getting to her feet, straightening her old army jacket. Lulu stuck her tongue out at her, while knotting her respective dirty blonde hair in a messy bun. Lucky brushed her blonde bangs (which contrasted with the rest of her brown hair) out of her eyes, grinning. Finally, the two stopped mock-arguing, and made the rest of their way over to me. I smiled weakly,

"Hey, guys. What brings ya to Stark's Pond?"

"Lookin' for you. Wanna hang out tonight? Y'know, wreaking havoc, causing chaos, the usual." Lucky grinned. Lulu nodded,

"Three's a party."

I shrugged. Beats snogging Craig, I guess, "Sure thing."

Lucky raised her chin proudly, "Suh-weet! Let's head to my house!"

I nodded and we set off.

* * *

**Lucy's POV in Ivy's bod**

Once the last bell rang, I bolted out of Lab (you have no idea how hard it was going to the right classes), plowed over a few people, searching for my dear friend Ivy. I probably ran up to all of the girls with red hair in our school before remembering I was supposed to be looking for, well, myself, basically. And I was nowhere to be found. I scowled, ending up in the auditorium, pacing around, wondering where Ivy had went off too. Maybe she's getting ready for the date I'm supposed to have with Craig? I hope she found out about that...

"Hey, Ivy!"

I looked up to see John Vanson and Kimberly Shao heading towards me, carrying books and bags and such. I waved at them weakly, "Hey. What're you guys doing here?"

"Looking for you," Kimi said cheerfully, "We're going for ice cream. You up for it? Lucy, Lucky, . have vanished, apparently."

"Oh, sure!" I smiled gratefully. Wait..., "But, erm, I have a date with Kyle tonight." I paused. I usually help Ivy get ready for dates. And 'I' am not here. I paused, "Should...I be getting ready for that?"

"Nah," John shrugged, adjusting his glasses slightly, "Lucy will swoop by with a hair curler and you'll be ready in ten seconds. I need ice cream. Let's go." I rolled my eyes, chuckling nonetheless. I followed the two out of the auditorium, out of the school, towards the ice cream parlor. Kimberly busied herself with attempting to tie her wild, medium-lengthed, turquoise hair into a tame ponytail, while John was listening to his iPod. I was reading _Huckleberry Finn_. Y'know, the one by Mark Twain. Or Samuel Clemens. Or whatever his name was. I know, I know, sorta dorky, but it's a good book, shut the fuck up. And I have a book report to do. Or, rather, Ivy does. I've read this book a thousand times, and I'm just using this report as an excuse. Why am I telling you this? FUCK OFF.

"I thought you hated that book." Kimi grinned, looking at me.

"It's for English." I replied airily, "Mrs. Brewen gave out copies she actually bought with her own paycheck for the benefit of our education," I smiled 'innocently', "I figured I should enrich it."

"You burned your copy," John deadpanned, smirking that smirky smirk of his. I scowled,

"I...stole Lucy's."

"Lucy is in your English class?"

"...no."

"Then how-"

"Shut up."

Yes, I think I pulled off the Ivy-act rather well there.

* * *

I spent the rest of the day with John and Kimi. Then I went back to the Valmont household, figuring I should get ready for this little date. I've suggested to Ivy before that Kyle and her could double date with Craig and I, but she refused, reasoning that it wouldn't go well, as Kyle and Craig don't exactly get along. Actually, nobody gets along with Craig. So that idea was screwed pretty quickly. And it also meant I had no idea how Ivy acts on a date, whatsoever. Well, how was I supposed to know this was going to happy.

I called my phone, hoping Ives would pickup. No dice. She should be getting ready with my date with Craig, by now. I hope she is. Actually, I hope she heard about the date at all. I sighed, milling and wallowing in my own sorrowful thoughts as I slowly began to softly curl the fiery red locks that weren't respectively mine.

I dug through Ivy's closet, searching for her baggy-est clothes. Would _I _want to seduce Kyle with all of those skinny jeans? Nooope. I let out a large sigh. Still can't believe this is happening.

* * *

Turns out Kyle's a gentleman. He picked me up from Ivy's house, talked small chat with Ivy's parents (who adore him, by the way, which is basically the opposite of how Kyle's parents feel about Ivy), and off we went to the movies. Kyle has always been a close friend of mine, so we joked around like I usually would with him. Compliment his wild hair that fought valiantly to peek out from under his usual green ushanka. Ask him about homework. Blahblahblah.

Movie was pretty terrible. Theatre was only a quarter-full. Kyle and I sat in the back, eating popcorn comfortably. I didn't get to close to Kyle. That would be like Kyle cheating on Ivy with her evil twin, or something, without totally knowing about it. But I think he suspected something. Kyle's just smart like that.

"Hey, there's the Stoleys. I didn't know they liked horror movies," Kyle whispered, nodding to two teens with black hair a few rows ahead. I recognized Esther's black, spiky bob cut immediately, and my bloody boiled. Stupid, man-stealing bitch. I looked back to the movie screen, letting my anger work it's way out.

"Oh, wait, that isn't Kevin, it's...erm," Kyle paused suddenly, scratching his head, "Ives?"

"Hmm?"

"Um..."

I ended up leaving the theater, very kindly explaining to Kyle that I wasn't feeling well. He nodded, hugging me good-bye and wishing for me to feel better. I did feel a bit sick. Not exactly sick, just so incredibly angry that I began to feel that pukey feeling. I threw a few rocks at a random windows. Set fire to another dumpster. Yeah. Just to ease 'pain'. Oh no, now I'm sounding emo. I WILL NOT CUT MY WRISTS! Jesus, I need to talk to Ivy...

* * *

**Hm...this was rather rushed. Oh well. **

**Next chapter Ivy and Lucy shall confront each other and horribly attempt to solve this mystery. =]**

**OCs:**

**Ivy Valmont: **Cartooncutie16  
**John Vanson: **JVM-SP150  
**Lucky Day: **Doomed-Orange-Parka  
**Lulu Summers: **Especially Kenny  
**Kimberly Shao: **PixiDreads

Love,

KB


	4. The One Where Kyle Gets Stepped On

**

* * *

**

**Title:** The Ol' Switcheroo  
**Author:** Kootie Bomb  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing(s):** Craig/Lucy (Crucy), Kyle/Ivy (Kyvy)  
**Inspiration:** I was watching Freaky Friday...  
**Summary:** Ivy and Lucy are best friends, and practically complete opposites. What happens when they find themselves in each others shoes? lol, what a corny and un-original summary…

* * *

"It was Mephisto."

Those were the words I told Lucy when I found her the next morning, outside her - my - house. She was in black skinny jeans, a white tee shirt, and a checkered zipper-up sweatshirt. _My_ red hair in a ponytail. Simple enough. She looked pretty sullen. Well, you would too if you weren't in your own body. I haven't been properly happy since this whole thing started.

Her eyes - technically my eyes - flickered skeptically over my Florida Winter-themed outfit, then gave a slight shrug of approval, and went back to sidewalk-staring. I raised my eyebrows, before taking a seat next to her, "Don't worry, Luce. We'll pull through this some how. But I finally figured out it was Mephisto who did this to us. Remember, when we were last at John's house, I saw Mephisto. He was a dinner guest at the Vanson's. I dunno about you, but-"

"Where were you last night?" Lucy interrupted me, in a rather teary voice. Did I really sound like that when I'm sad? Jeez...I scratched the back of my neck,

"Erm, I hung out with Lucky and Lulu, mostly. Hey, do you think we should tell them? Because-"

"Why weren't you with Craig?"

Fuck.

I blinked, "Um, I just didn't want to. I told him I was sick...er, how did you find out?"

"I was on that stupid date with Kyle! I saw Craig at the theatre!"

"Alone? How pathetic."

Lucy looked like she wanted to punch me. Rather, I looked like I wanted to punch...me. Still pretty fucking insane. But anyway, she continued, getting to her feet, "No, he was not alone! That creepy bitch Esther was there, all over him!"

Coincidentally, Craig and Clyde happened to be going around the corner at that moment. Clyde waved, Craig flipped us both off. He sent a shit-eating grin Lucy's way (of course, thinking she was Ivy), and said with all of the seriousness in the world (Craig-style), "Fuck you, Valmont."

Lucy frowned.

That bastard.

Her eyes - my eyes, really - got a look of death. Damn, I look scary when I'm mad...

Lucy watched Craig and Clyde's retreating backs, emotions in her eyes jumbled. She was probably angry. Which is probably why she picked up a little flower pot that was on my stoop and chucked it at Craig's head (it hit his back), "SHUT UP, FAG!"

Whoa. Go Lucy.

Basically, out of all of the things I've heard Lucy call Craig (setting aside Craigly-poo, Craigie, and the rest of those cutesy things she says to annoy him), I don't think I've ever heard her call him a fag. I guess you can't really call your boyfriend a fag, could you? I've never called Kyle a fag. Come to think of it, I don't think I've called him anything real bad before. Unless I was angry...? Whatever. I forget.

Craig lurched forward at the impact of the flower pot and Clyde leapt back in surprise. Both of them spun around, death glares shooting at Lucy-in-my-body.

Suddenly, she grinned a grin that wasn't my grin. It looked like it would totally belong on Lucy's face (which is my face, for now).

What a retard. My best friend, though.

She bolted away from her two "friends" and followed. We lost them behind the alleyway at 7-11 (we climbed up the dumpster and a few boxes to get to the roof and they ran past. Suuuckers.) and took a seat on the ledge. Lucy finally ceased her giggling and looked at me, "That helped. So, Mephisto, you mentioned?"

"Uh, yeah," I scratched my head, "Um, it was him. I bet you anything! I saw him at John's place having dinner with Jason the night we switched."

Lucy sat, humming, pondering over this. Suddenly, "OH YEAH! HE WAS AT MY ROLLER DERBY PRACTICE!"

"VALMONT! I'LL KILL YOU!"

Shit.

"They found us." I grunted angrily. Stupid boys. Lucy raspberried them before we got off the roof and the chase resumed.

* * *

**Lucy's POV **

So, Ivy and I decided to tell someone about _it_, after loosing Craig and Clyde when they announced they were hungry and retreated to a nearby Ihop. We chose ones who could probably (probably) keep a secret - John Vanson, Lucky Day, Lulu Summers, and Kimberly Shao. We made the phone calls, and all of us met up at Stark's Pond.

They took seats on the benches, while Ivy and I stood in front of them. I scratched my head. Ivy glanced at me. I shoved her forward quickly, so she could start (involuntarily). She shot me a glare before clearing her throat, looking at our friends, "Okay, guys, um...I'm not Lucy."

I actually giggled at how straightforward she was being. Well, that's Ivy for you."

Lulu started laughing, and eventually, Lucky and John joined in as well. Way to start a gigglefest, Lu. But Kimberly seemed to hear the serious strain in Ivy's voice (my voice!) and frowned, "Luce, Ivy, what's going on?"

Slowly, Ivy said, "We...uh, _switched_..." (she made a funny 'switching' motion with her hands), "...bodies. Yeah."

Lulu, Lucky, and John also heard the seriousness. They stopped laughing. Then, they looked at me. I nodded. They looked at each other and started laughing again. Kimberly looked terribly confused.

I sighed. This could take a while.

* * *

**Normal POV**

Kyle Broflovski sat inside the Ihop, poking his pancakes feebily. Cartman and Kenny were both wolfing down their own brunch pancakes, Stan laughing his ass off at their slobishness. The redhead of the group sighed. _'I wonder if Ivy is feeling better...I better call her.' _So Kyle took out his phone, clicked speeddial, and told Stan he'd be outside. He leaned against the brick, listening for Ivy's voice. _'Shit,' _He thought suddenly on the fifth ring, _'She might still be asleep. Or maybe she's sick. Or maybe she's at Lucy's house, telling her about Craig. Can't believe Craig would cheat on Lucy. With Esther, of all people...'_

Mister Broflovski was snapped out of his thoughts by Ivy's voice,

"Hello?" It chirped happily, a smile practically radiating through the phone. Kyle blinked, slightly confused,

"Hey! Um, hey."

"Sup, Kylie?"

Kyle frowned. _'Kylie. Ivy never calls me Kylie. I mean, Lucy does, just to annoy me...whatever. Maybe she's just really happy.' _

"I was just checking up on you...are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah. God, I threw a flower pot at Craig and he and Clyde got soooo pissed. Ended up being chased all through South Park. Aw, I forgave him, though. He can be sweet sometimes. Cute when he's mad, though."

_'Wait, what? Craig? Sweet?! CUTE?!'_

Suddenly, Kyle lost his appetiete, feeling rather sick. He told Ivy he had to go, and went back into Ihop, taking his seat, staring blankly at his pancakes.

**(A/N: by the by, people, I hope you caught the fact that Lucy forgot to act like Ivy and thought she was herself during that phone call...hence the cute/sweet talk about Craigly-poo)**

Stan grinned at his Super Best Friend, "Hey, Kyle, I bet you 20 bucks Cartman is gonna heave before Kenny!" ("Stop talking to the Jew, Stan, and order the fucking food!" quote Cartman) Stan paused, frowning, "Er...Kyle? Kyle!?"

The little bell attached to the door suddenly. Kenny waved to the two who entered, "Hey, Craig, dude, who do you think can eat more, me or Cartman?"

Kyle looked up at Craig's name, anger suddenly bubbling up, blood rushing to his face. And, impulsively, he got to his feet, walked right over to Craig, who was with Clyde, and grabbed his shoulder, turned him around, and whacked him right in the face.

...

A series of classic 'OOOOHS' rang out in the pancake house. Craig stumbled back, eyes wide. Clyde, being Craig's SBF himself, took the liberty of punching Kyle back. Clyde's still a bit of a crybaby, but still, he can pack a punch. Craig shoved Clyde aside (a thankful motion, I presume), and scowled down at Kyle, middle finger appearing,

"The FUCK was that for, Broflovski!?"

Kyle let out an angry shout of EXACTLY what was bothering him. I believe he used a few curse words in the middle of phrases as "stop seducing my girlfriend" and such. Craig actually looked surprised (which was quite a difference from his usual expressions - anger and...well, no expression at all), before he looked mad again,

"The hell?" Craig shook his head furiously, "You're fucking messed up, dude."

He stomped on Kyle's nose (promptly breaking it), let out a mutter of "pathetic..." and Clyde and him left Ihop.

* * *

**Oh, my Craigly-poo is so mean to Kylie! *pets Kyle's purdy hair* poor Jew. **

**OCs:**

**Ivy Valmont: **Cartooncutie16  
**John Vanson: **JVM-SP150  
**Lucky Day: **Doomed-Orange-Parka  
**Lulu Summers: **Especially Kenny  
**Kimberly Shao: **PixiDreads

Love,

KB


	5. The One With A Douchey Craig

**Title:** The Ol' Switcheroo  
**Author:** Kootie Bomb  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing(s):** Craig/Lucy (Crucy), Kyle/Ivy (Kyvy)  
**Inspiration:** I was watching Freaky Friday...  
**Summary:** Ivy and Lucy are best friends, and practically complete opposites. What happens when they find themselves in each others shoes? lol, what a corny and un-original summary…

* * *

Lucky Day was confused. _More _than confused, really. It made her head hurt just thinking about everything illogical about the situation. Then again, everything she did was basically illogical and didn't follow any rules. Well, it's not like there are any rules in South Park anyway.

Okay. I'm getting off the topic. Ivy and Lucy had just finished telling the tale of what happened over the past couple of days. They switched bodies. Those three words just sound so...fantasy-like. Which made it oh-so-confusing to everyone who was listening (fyi, Lulu Summers, Kimi Shao, and John Vanson). Lulu's confused face slowly morphed into a doubting smirk, "Oh, please. How do we know your not lying? Lucy," She looked at the one with red hair, who claimed not to be Ivy Valmont, but Lucy Montgomery, "Who's the singer for that band you listen to...the Clash?"

Lucy-in-Ivy's-body raised her eyebrows, smiling, not missing a beat, "Joe Strummer. Duh."

John looked to the black-haired girl, who presumed to be Ivy, not Lucy, "What's Kyle's best feature?"

"Eyes. Duh."

"Really? I've always thought he has lovely lips," Lulu mused, "Y'know, the serious-type lips."

"Why are you think of Kyle's lips?" Ivy-in-Lucy's-body asked, eyebrows raised. Lulu smiled before hushing herself.

Kimi the Wise laughed a bit before looking at her friends, "It makes sense. Ivy is in love with Kyle's eyes, it's a known fact," She grinned at Ivy and Lucy, "I think they're telling the truth."

"If they are..." Lucky stared, "This is super-duper awkward."

"Yup."

"Totally."

* * *

"You stepped on his face? Ow." Token mused.

Craig shrugged sullenly, taking a bite of pizza. Everyone - er, at least Clyde, Tweek, and himself - was at Token's mansion, eating pizza, Clyde telling the "epic" story of the fight at Ihop.

"And this fight happened because...?"

"Apparently, Kyle thinks Ivy is falling in loooove with Cwaig here," Clyde cooed, holding back laughter. Craig sneered, Token laughed, and Tweek twitched awkwardly, letting out a small "gnnnh".

Clyde raised an eyebrow at the twitchy blonde, "What's up, Tweek? You know something." Tweek's eyes widened to their extent (which happened to be rather loud), and opened and closed his mouth, no words coming out. He let out a strangled yell, starting to pull at his hair. Token sighed before turning to Craig,

"What he's trying to say...well, dude, don't get pissed off at Kyle and break his nose again...but earlier today, Tweek and me saw Luce giving the _eyes _to Broflovski."

Craig let their be a long pause before he let his middle finger make it's appearance. Another pause before speaking, "She was probably just spacing out."

"The _eyes_, dude! _The _eyes!" Clyde gasped dramatically, as if he was watching some cheesy chick-flick. Ah, you gotta love Clyde...Craig flipped him off, though, glaring. The brunet hushed himself, turning his attention back to the pizza.

"She looks at his hair a lot," Craig said shortly, quite sure of himself, "And then she was just thinking about..." He stopped himself before he said anything stupid.

"You?" Token offered, eyebrows raised. Craig shrugged. Clyde frowned,

"Seems pretty fucking unlikely to me."

"W-what if she's actually falling in LOVE with Kyle?! OH GOD! Oh man, oh man, I hate drama..." Tweek shrieked and mumbled, tugging at his shirt nervously.

* * *

Kyle sat in the hospital bed, prodding his bandage nose gingerly, "Damnit, dude, my nose fucking hurts."

Stan nodded,

"Yeah, man, Craig's a douche."

* * *

**The shortest filler evar! Bwhahaha!**

**OCs:**

**Ivy Valmont: **Cartooncutie17  
**John Vanson: **JVM-SP150  
**Lucky Day: **Doomed-Orange-Parka  
**Lulu Summers: **Especially Kenny  
**Kimberly Shao: **PixiDreads

Love,

KB


	6. The One Where Esther Goes Down

**Title:** The Ol' Switcheroo  
**Author:** Kootie Bomb  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing(s):** Craig/Lucy (Crucy), Kyle/Ivy (Kyvy)  
**Inspiration:** I was watching Freaky Friday...  
**Summary:** Ivy and Lucy are best friends, and practically complete opposites. What happens when they find themselves in each others shoes? lol, what a corny and un-original summary…

* * *

"Well," I rubbed my head, flipping back red curls that weren't technically mine, "This is awkward."

Ivy glared at me (I glared at myself?), "It's only theatre. And we're starting a new play, no certain acting will go down today. And hopefully, we'll fix this whole thing before the production."

"You're just lucky one of my derby teammates sprained her damn ankle. You don't have to go."

"You have hockey practice, Luce." Ivy reminded me with a scowl.

I picked up the big, bulky bag I usually carry all of my skate stuff in, shoving it at her, "Yeah. Here. At least try, would you? Erm...Esther's on the team too, by the by. Run into her for me, would you?"

"Sure thing."

"If you get tired or don't feel like playing anymore, say you broke your arm. Or something. It's fun to ride in the ambulence. And when you get to the hospital, say you had an ephiphany...or something."

"Good call, Luce. I'll be sure to do that."

I saluted to her, and I hopped into the school auditorium, where the other theater weirdos were milling around, shuffling papers, discussing things I don't know about.

"Ivy! IVY!"

Took me a scond to remember I'm Ivy. I turned to see Rebecca and Mark Cotswalds and Wendy Testaburger chatting on the stage. I wiggled my fingers at them, slowly walking over. Okay, Luce. You can do this.

"Hey guys. What's up?"

"Just discussing what play Miss Redwall would choose," Wendy said with a smile, fiddling her with shoulder-length black hair, "What do you think it should be?"

I blinked. Okay...um...Broadway. Of course. I keep up with all of those things. I've seen every single one when I used to live in the City. I scratched my forehead, "Um, A Chorus Line? Wicked? Cats would be fun." They seem convinced and we continued to talk about different productions (I think they got a bit hazed, though, when I mentioned this play in NY called 'Menopause').

"LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!" I jumped in alarm at Miss Redwall's thundering voice. She used to be a real fancy opera singer back in her day, I'm pretty sure. She smiled pleasently, looking around the auditorium as everyone settled into the red plush theater seats, "Glad to see we're all here," She started to pace across the stage, heels clicking, "Now, after much thought and consideration of all of your suggestions...I decided to go with Miss Valmont's idea," She nodded to me. I raised an eyebrow. She continued, "We shall proceed with a, I'm sure _brilliant _production of Sir Lewis Carroll's _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_."

A wave of chatter broke throughout the auditorium happily, and I gave a nod of approval myself. _Alice in Wonderland _is pretty hardcore. Miss Redwall smiled widely, "Glad to see we're all agreeing on this. I've come up with your parts," She started passing out casting lists, and then a script to go with each. I was handed the cast list, and then a thick script book, Ivy name printed clearly on the front, and all of the Queen of Hearts' lines highlighted in yellow.

* * *

**Ivy's POV **

I slowly glided around the ice rink. Usually, practices are held at Stark's Pond for Lucy's hockey team, but the ice is starting to melt there. So, here I am, at South Park's Ice Rink in a pair of large hockey skates, a baggy, dirty Rangers hockey jersey, and worn jeans, hair in a ponytail. The rest of Lucy's team is here too. I noticed Esther Stoley and Red Tucker chatting by the bleachers. As I said, Esther's a basic bitch. Red isn't too bad, I guess.

I know how to ice skate. I'm pretty good at it, too. It's basically law to know how to skate in South Park. But Lucy and the team are the best skaters in South Park, and they go fast.

"Okay, kiddies, let's go!" Coach Greene howled. Everyone just calls him Frank, though. He's a typical couch - big, burly, graying hair, eyes that are crinkly around the edges...I've gone to almost all of Lucy's hockey games. He's tough. But the team loves him.

We gathered around the...er, place where the team sits. It's like in baseball, the dugout. Whatever. So that's where Coach Greene sat, holding a clipboard, knotting up his skates. He got to his feet with a grunt, looking over his clipboard, which was fat with many papers. He flipped through them as we waited patiently. He cleared his throats, "'Kay, ladies, two weeks from now - game against North Park. First game of the season. We've been practicin' real good, and I think we really got a chance. And we still got eight more practices 'till the game, so you pansy-assed quiters better get out there." He snarled, "Got it?"

The team saluted.

Coach Greene glared at them all in somewhat approval, and nodded, "Okay ladies, get into teams, mock-game."

Apparently, the team likes mock-games, because there was loud, enthusiastic cheering as everyone burst out of the group, getting into place. I followed Red Tucker, being on her team, I guess. Now...where does Lucy usually go? Red raised an eyebrow at me, "Luce, what're you doing?" Go start."

I blinked before nodding slowly, slowly skating towards the center, where Coach Greene stood where the ref usually would be, Esther Stoley grinning at me evilly.

Peachy.

This bitch is goin' down.

* * *

"DAAAAMN! GO LUCE, GOOOOO!" Clyde howled from the bleachers, cheering like an idiot for Lucy. Craig grabbed his sleeve, shoving him back down,

"Shut the fuck up. It's only practice."

Clyde shrugged. The two had been bored, and decided to watch Luce and her team start up practice. The team is called the Puck-U's (this is South Park, you know). So they had started a mock-game, and Lucy seemed to be skating slower, more carefully, but still running into Esther as if she was a sand bag. Kevin Stoley, who was a few rows down from them with John Vanson, was wincing as his twin got beat up (John was laughing).

Craig let out a yawn, grabbing Clyde, hopping down a few rows to take seats next to the two. The ever-so-stotic teenager bit into the Twizzler he was eating, "Hey, Vanson."

"Craig, Clyde," John nodded, adjusting his glasses slightly. Clyde waved happily. Kevin was still cringing at the mock-game. Craig watched Lucy round the rink a few times, smiling hesitantly. Hm. She would be cheering like an idiot by now, as her team was winning. Maybe she just isn't feeling well. Whatever.

"Hey, Craig, didn't you just go to the movies with Essie?" John asked, still watching the mock-game, waiting for the eventual cat-fight. Clyde and Kevin both looked at Craig with a why-didn't-you-tell-me-this? look on their faces. Craig nodded slowly.

"Why's that?"

"I didn't want to, if that's what you were thinking," Craig sneered, refusing eye contact with anyone, "Luce wasn't feeling that good, remember? Esther hunted me down and dragged me to the movies."

"...right."

Craig flipped them all off.

* * *

**Lucy's POV**

I looked around curiously, hopping around backstage. Everyone was reading ther scripts on stage, getting in character and such. Since the Queen of Hearts doesn't come into play 'till later, I got hang around backstage. I've gone to a lot of Ivy's rehersals and plays and got to stay backstage (I'm too cheap to buy a ticket), and it really is a very cool place. The costumes are very pretty, too...dress rehersals aren't 'till later, though.

But, of course, screw that.

I went through the many costume racks, finally tugging a sparkly, green fairy costume that had been used for a Peter Pan production. Quickly, I pulled off my shirt (scandalous, right?), stepping into the dress and attatching the wings. I grinned at the reflection in the large, dusty mirror, striking a few poses.

"Ivy?"

I shrieked in surprise, falling on my butt, and smiled sheepishly at Kyle, who had his eyebrows raised in confusion. He walked over, offering his hand, "Is this what you do when I'm not around?"

He helped me up and I dusted myself off, "Technically, no. What're you doing here?"

"I just came to watch your rehersal."

"Jesus Christ, what happened to your nose?"

"..."

"C'mon, you can tell me."

"...Craig stepped on it." Kyle muttered.

I scowled. Once I'm back in my regular body, I'll have to talk to him about that. I patted Kyle shoulder, "Why?"

"It's a stupid reason. I'll tell you later."

* * *

"Lu_luuuuu_!"

"Howdy, Lucks. What's up?"

Lucky Day shrugged, tucking a few blonde locks - among the rest of the brown hairs - behind her ear, "Nothing much. You see Kyle nose, dude? Brutal."

"Really? What happened?"

Lulu Summers had her dirty blonde hair tucker in a towel, as she had just taken a shower, and was now painting her toenails a bright shade of green. She was in her Terrance and Philip pajama bottoms and tank top. Nothing special. It was seven at night with nothing to do (besides homework, but she wasn't about to do _that_).

"Craigly-poo stepped on it!" Lucky sighed, shrugging off her old army jacket, smoothing out the Guns n' Roses shirt, plopping next to Lulu.

"How mean."

"Yup."

* * *

**Kimi plays a rather big part in the next chapter, along with Johnnycakes, Lulu, and Lucky. Lalalaaa. **

**I just love closing chapters with those little conversations. **

**OCs:**

**Ivy Valmont: **Cartooncutie17  
**John Vanson: **JVM-SP150  
**Lucky Day: **Doomed-Orange-Parka  
**Lulu Summers: **Especially Kenny  
**Kimberly Shao: **PixiDreads

Love,

KB


	7. The One Where They Kiss

**Ivy's POV (however, she is in Lucy's body.)**

"I dare you to go any slower."

"Shut. Up."

I smirked at Craig, who's knuckles were turning white against the wheel. It's fun, insulting ol' Tuckerton and not having him cut my face off. One of the benefits of being Lucy, I suppose. Being a gentleman and a good boyfriend, he offered to drive me - thinking it was Lucy, no duh - home, and I gotta say - Tucker has a pretty sweet ride. An all-too-manly, navy-blue, tuff-n'-rugged Jeep.

And yet, he drives like my grammy.

He sighed, turning a corner ever-so-slowly, "Well, since you bailed on me last time, I'm taking you out tonight. Or, erm, we're going to my house. I bootlegged Despicable Me, like you asked."

Well, see, there were several things wrong with that statement. I mean, not 'wrong', but rather...dislikeable. First of all, the "I'm taking you out tonight part" made me puke a little in my mouth. The "we're going to my house" part caused a bit of dizziness. The only good part was the "Despicable Me" part, because I've been dying to see that movie.

The 'dislikes' outweigh the 'likes', though.

He pulled to a stop in front of Lucy's house, "I'm picking you up in an hour. Now run along and wipe the sweat off of you, alright? It's stinking up my car."I stuck my tongue out at him. Normally, a comment like that would've deserved an eye-poke, but Lucy isn't like that. It's times like these where I wish she was, but, hey, shit happens. And, of course, I'm in deep shit. Whoopee! LOLno.

He leaned over and kissed me.

...fuck. That did not just happen. Craig Tucker did not just put his nasty, shit-talking mouth on my lips. Er, Lucy's lips. NO. But he still kissed me. Ew. Ewewewewewewewew. EW. Okay, Valmont. Get your shit together, this isn't something to get worked up about. Craig's innocent, for once. He thinks you're Lucy, he thinks you're Lucy, he thinks you're Lucy...

How fucking dare he _touch_ me.

I grabbed Lucy's hockey gear and stick, hopping out of Craig's jeep, quickly hurrying into the Montgomery household and up the stair's, ignoring Bugs's rude greeting from the living room. I dropped Lucy's hockey shit on the bathroom floor, kicking off my shoes and stumbling into the shower, turning on the cold water. Still in my clothes, I might add.

Cleanse yourself, wash away the Tucker...

"Wow, Luce, and I thought you were pathetic enough." Bugs had opened the shower door, watching me in fetal position on the shower floor, soaked by ice-fucking-cold water. She grinned in a completely evil way at my lameness. WWLD (what would Lucy do? A question I've been frequently asking myself. Lucy's self. Whatever.)?

I grabbed Bugs's arm, dragging her in here as well and ignoring the curses and death threats. Once she stopped telling me I was going to be in a ditch somewhere in Texas by tomorrow morning, she tilted her head back and let the water mess up her heavily made-up eyes, "So. Craigger's dump you or something?"

"No," I sighed, playing with a long lock of wet, black hair, so unlike my cropped red hair, "He kissed me."

Bugs stared at me with wide eyes, "Oh my god, you're a lesbian."

I groaned.

* * *

**Lucy's POV (in Ivy's body, may I remind you)**

"C'mon, Kylie. Pwetty pwease?" I cooed at him, but instead he laugh, ducking from my reaching hand. Normally, in my own body, I'd be about the same height as ol' Broflovski, but Ivy just has to be a Munchkin, now doesn't she? He held his ushanka to his head, covering those magnificent red curls of his. He chuckled, keeping an arm around my shoulder as he walked me home from theatre practice...er, rehearsal. Whatever you call it. (his mom confiscated his license...he came home five minutes late of school night curfew),

"So, Ives, you seem so...perky. And what's with the 'Kylie'? I mean, it's cute and everything, but I've never heard you call me that..."

Hm. I suppose I suck at acting like Ivy, then. I really need to get my act together...I took a deep breath, sighing heavily, "I dunno. I had a large intake on caffeine, this morning, I suppose." I looked at him in concern, "Your nosie feeling better, Kyle?"

He sighed, gingerly touching the bandaged nose, "Eh, the painkillers are helping. Fuck, that Tucker has some goddamn foot. I'm gonna kill him."

Averting my eyes, I shimmied out from under his arm. I guess it's just kinda weird, taking insults on Craigasaurus like that. But I gotta keep up the Ivy act, it's the only way to escape disaster. I bit my lip nervously, "Ah...I'm sure he had...his reasons. C'mon, Kylie, you can tell me. Why'd he stomp on your face?" Kyle sighed heavily, scratching the back of his neck in a nervous fashion,

"Well...I sorta punched him first."

My eyes widened and I crossed my arms, stopping the walk abruptly, "You mean _you're _the won who started it? Jesus, Kyle, here I was thinking Craig was just being a douchebag!"

"Why are you on his side?" Kyle barked back, looking rather frantic, "You like him, don't you? That's the only reason I punched him, because I thought he was trying to get with you!"

I froze up quickly. Okay, calm your ass Lucille, you're not about to cost Ivy her boyfriend. I grabbed Kyle by his arms, "First of all...Craig would never do that to Lucy. Not with me. Not with Esther. Not with anyone. If he ever does or did, he'd be dead by now. Second of all, I don't like him. I never, ever, ever will like him. Ever. I only like you, alright?"

At those words, ol' Broflovski seemed to simmer down a bit. I sighed in relief, patting his arms - and completely not expecting the onslaught of Jew lips on mine. I held back a shriek, and yet once he pulled away I spluttered out some lame excuse and ran for my life. After several wrong turns, a few falls, and tripping once into a thorn bush, I made my way into Ivy's house, storming up to her bedroom and spent at _least_ half an hour crying and screaming into her pillow, staining it's case with running eyeliner and mascara.

Sniffling feebily, I reached for my cellphone. No, Ivy cellphone. Flipping through the contacts, I looked for someone to find comfort in. Normally, it's Token, who spoils me with his wallet and has the warmest hugs. Sometimes Bebe, who does my hair and makes me look very, very pretty. And a lot of the time it's Ivy, my best friend. But I'm Ivy. I'll just call her...

Clicking on the 'call' button, I waited for a moment until I ever-so-creepily heard my own voice on the other line,

"LUCY! Thank God you called. I have a date tonight with Craig. Ew, right?"

I paused, wondering if I should tell her Kyle had kissed me. Maybe she'd be alright with it, since he didn't know any better. But, of course, this is fire-headed Ivy Valmont temper we're talking about...

"Luce?"

I snapped out of my reverie, "Oh, um, right. I guess you can't cancel again, huh?"

"Nope."

"Bummer."

"Yup," She sighed back, "So, I just showered. Your fucking hockey practice is gruesome, by the way. So, what should I wear?"

"Where are you two going?" I questioned, hoping for a restaurant or something - a place that doesn't require maximum contact with each other. But I felt my hopes crack in half at her heavy, disappointed sigh,

"We're watching a movie at his place. He bootlegged 'Despicable Me'."

"Hey, I told him to do that!" I whined, pouting a pout she couldn't see, "Man, I wanna see it..."

"_Lucy_..."

"Right. Um, well, in that case, put your hair in a ponytail, that black and white polka dot wifebeater, and gray sweatpants. And then my Ramones zip-up."

"Wow, Luce. That's really classy."

"Shuddup. I always go casual to his place, even if I'm having dinner with his family. For all I know, he's probably going to be in his boxers."

"...are you kidding?"

"He was the last time."

"...ew."

"Hey. That's my boyfriend you're talking about," I snapped playfully, "So, no kissies, okay? But don't be super distant, or he'll start getting suspicious."

"...right, Luce. Catch ya on the flipside."

Dial tone.

I sighed, lying back on Ivy's bed, pulling the covers over my face. Fuck my life. Fuck my life. Fuck my life. Fuck my life twenty times over.

* * *

**Regular POV**

"So, is this whole Lucy-Ivy switchie thingamajig stressing you out or what?" Lulu sighed, braiding Lucky's hair.

"I'm getting gray hairs," John sighed solemnly, flipping through a _People_ magazine ("Dude, hot pictures of hot actresses. Duh."), spinning around in his office lounger.

* * *

**Hm...300-ish words short than my usual chapters, but this is just getting me pumped up. I realize I really like this story and I wanna continue it...so, cheyeah. get ready for more chapters, people :)**

**OCs belong to their owners, who I love oh-so-very dearly.**

**-Kootie Bomb**


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